Hi Haya,

I’m in my late-30s and obsessed with shopping. But I feel like it’s not normal anymore. Earlier, I thought I just loved getting new things, which I still do, but it has gotten so addictive now that I end up spending a good chunk of my income on shopping different things including clothes, bags jewellery, cutlery, bedding etc.

I also really struggle with managing my finances because of this habit. As much as I want to and plan to save, keeping any money aside for rainy days remains a far fetched dream. On the other hand, the pressure of showing up to meet with friends and hang out at fancy food spots has also affected my budget, especially given the constantly rising inflation.

I’m single and mostly spend on myself, but I do contribute to paying bills and some other small expenses at home along with other family members. But this habit of mine leaves me in a fix every month.

Do you think this is some kind of compulsive behaviour? Am I normal for being a shopaholic or is it too much? I’m really worried because I don’t want go completely broke and am currently just hanging by a thread. Please help me!

— A worried shopaholic

Dear worried shopaholic,

It sounds like you’re going through a challenging time, and I appreciate you sharing this with me. It’s clear that your shopping habits are causing you significant distress, particularly in terms of your finances and your ability to save for the future and its very courageous of you to admit to yourself that you are struggling.

It’s not uncommon for people to find comfort or distraction in shopping, but when it starts to impact your financial stability and overall well-being, it’s important to address it.

From what you’ve described, it does seem like your shopping behaviour has become compulsive. Compulsive shopping, often referred to as compulsive buying disorder, is characterised by an overwhelming urge to shop and difficulty controlling that urge, despite the negative consequences it may have on one’s finances, relationships, and emotional well-being.

It’s not about whether it’s ‘normal’ or ‘abnormal’, each person has their own definition of what maybe normal to them, but rather concerning about how it’s negatively impacting you, increasing your worries and your ability to enjoy your life in a way that feels fulfilling to you.

Let’s have a look at what may be driving this compulsive behaviour.

To understand why we are doing something we need to understand what is making us behave that way.

Often, compulsive behaviours are coping mechanisms. Fear based responses from what we would be forced to feel If we looked within. They are masks for things we run away from or hide. The act of acquiring new items can provide a temporary sense of fulfillment.

Underneath compulsion could be unresolved emotions such as unresolved stress, anxiety, unresolved childhood wounds, negative body image, low self-worth, lack of self-acceptance or something else which you would need to work on exploring and resolving with a therapist who will aid you in understanding and connecting the underlying issues that contribute to your compulsive behaviour.

This may involve going back to your childhood to understand what makes you into the person you are today understanding your patterns, in addition learning to identify and challenge negative thoughts and finding alternative ways to live a life that feels fulfilling to you, ways to manage stress and emotions and set realistic financial goals.

Remember, seeking help is a courageous step and half our battles our won when we seek support. The fact that you acknowledge that this is a problem is commendable. with support and guidance, it’s possible to regain control over your shopping habits and improve your overall well-being. You have the power and the resources available to work towards finding a healthy balance and being in the driving seat of your life.

Good luck!

Haya

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.

Send her your questions to [email protected]

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